After the Friday night deluge, Askham I travelled to Kelfield hoping for good weather in order to get a game. And that they got – a strong breeze and dose of sunshine left them with a bouncy wicket at Kelfield, where skipper Dale elected to bowl. The team included a couple of new faces, including returning players Mike Hodgkinson and John “blue cross sale” Lewis for their first games of the season.

Woody and Zee opened – they were quick and accurate, but no chances came. Woody came off after 6 overs to be replaced by Albert, who bowled two four balls and then snaffled one of the openers, who was taken by a rather marvellous catch by Zee in the covers. Zee then profited with a wicket himself, much deserved after some tight bowling.

Mike Hodgkinson bowled his first overs of the season replacing Zeeand was fiery, getting a lot of lift and bounce. Kelfield continued to score though, with Smith (who scored 150 the week before) profiting off any bad balls. In Albert’s final over, he launched one towards Hodge on the straight hit, but he couldn’t quite keep hold of it and he was let off…

The team plugged away, with Woody replacing Albert to try and make a further breakthrough. He did, and wickets began to fall for Kelfield. However, Smith ploughed on and his ton came up. Prateek bowled a couple from the “not the bales of hay” end but was wicketless, and Woody and Zee finished off the innings, Woody ending up with 5-14.

The tea wasn’t bad, though there was no melon.

Doug Strachan and Phil Allen opened the batting and started off well, until Doug didn’t pick up a full toss and was caught. Prateek came in next, and Askham’s best period with the bat followed, with both players looking very comfortable on the short ball and hooking them away for four. However, Prateek was bowled, followed by Woody for a first ball duck, and Zeeshan shortly after.

Albert Hall came in at six, with a slight nosebleed from batting so high in the order. He outlasted Phil Allen, who was replaced by Phil Theobold, who told the close infielders he was going to hit them for six. And positive he was too! Albert meanwhile missed a straight one shortly after for 4, and in came the skipper. Phil eventually perished, followed by Rob for 5 runs, who was pleased to outscore his vice-captain. Job done.

This left Praveen and Mike Hodgkinson at the crease. Mike batted in his usual idiosyncratic style (that’s a slightly politer way of saying erratic). Praveen was unfortunate to get out, and in came John Lewis for his first bat of the season. He promptly scored his first runs, and he and Hodge scored a handful, before John was dismissed and the team were all out.

Overall, a moral victory following a few good wins…However, in spite of the score, the fielding was generally of a very high standard all round, with a special mention going to Praveen for his rock solid performance.

“We may not be any good at cricket, but we know how to make a good tea”
North Duffield Tea Lady

Bowling

We arrived at North Duffield, full of spirits on the back of two big wins. The team was without headline-grabbing Pete Wood, but had their skipper Rob Dale back behind the stumps, who won the toss and chose to bat on a wicket that looked, erm, a little worn.

Zeeshan opened the bowling with Jim “rear gunner” McCullogh. Both settled in well and got into a good rhythm, using the pitch to their advantage to get some baffling bounce. Jim made an early breakthrough, pitching a ball up nicely to the right hander and taking off stump for a clean bowled. Duffield then dug in and put on 30 for the second wicket, as both Zee and Jim bowled good lines but lacked luck. However, Jim then pitched the ball up well and struck the other opener on his pads, and got his second wicket. A few overs later, Jim got a ball to rise up sharply, which the Duffield batsman top edged toward mid on…

Marvellous Catch #1

…sitting underneath was Phil Theobold. Having practised the high ones before the match, he got himself into position and held firm, and took the ball solidly, to great elation from the team. A top catch from a top fielder, his first (of many) for the club.

Meanwhile, Parag had replaced Zeeshan at the far end and was producing some very quick, straight bowling that caused the batsmen a lot of difficulty. Early in his spell he got one to move away from the right hander…

Marvellous Catch #2

….where The Grewer stood at first slip. Diving low to his right, he clung on to the ball brilliantly and took a sharp reaction catch with ease. He had that “anything Woody can do, I can do better” look in his eyes, as he took the high tens from the team.

Jim also got another clean bowled, and Duffield were struggling on 48-5. However, a fightback came…a couple of catches went down in the outfield, and a few misfields were made, including from star fielder Albert Hall. The crowds stood in amazement as Albert “The Wall” Hall let one past him on the boundary. “Surely not our hero?” they cried.

Jim finished his spell with 4-47 off his 11 overs, a cracking spell. He was replaced by The Grewer. He and Parag plugged away as North Duffield continued to accumulate runs with their one main run scorer. However, Parag got his just reward as he pitched up a quick ball that jagged back in and bounced low, removing Moore for 40. This began the end for Duffield – From 90-5, they became 95 all out, with The Grewer taking two wickets (including one caught nicely at square leg from Ujie).

Zeeshan replaced Parag, whose 2-24 from 9 overs was a testament to his quick, controlled spell, and he got in on the wickets himself, clean bowling the tail end in a manner usually known as “Woody time”.

Tea

The North Duffield tea ladies put on a fine spread for the teams. Cheese and ham sandwiches were complemented by sausage rolls, cold pizza (a classic!) and a great array of sweets – bakewell tarts, jam scones, mini rolls and wagon wheels. Special mention should go to the fruit selection – honeydew melon slices and oranges (a la half time of a football match).

A member of North Duffield CC won the “slab of meat” in the raffle.

Batting

It is tradition in these reports to dedicate a similar amount of space to batting and bowling. However, given Askham’s batting (and Parag’s in particular) this would be difficult. However, in spite of the fact that North Duffield had scored nearly 100, it was quite obvious they’d lost the game within about 6 overs.

Parag was in menacing form – any bad balls (and several good ones), he drove, pulled and cut away for four, murdering the opening bowlers with delight. With 5 overs gone, Askham were 42-0, with Parag having scored 37 off 16 balls (Phil Allen, resolute at the other end on 5 not out). Parag continued the destruction, hitting a big six into the playground next to the pitch, and made his maiden 50 for Askham off only 24 balls. He then miscued one and was out with the score on 58, most of the damage done. A fine innings.

At this point, Askham required less than 2 runs per over, and the remainder of the batting was wisely steady. Brittain was bowling a consistent length and the batsmen wisely kept him blocked out, whilst taking runs at the far end. Dan Wheeler and Phil Allen put on 10, before Phil went walking down the pitch to the spinner and – finding himself somewhere near Riccall as it was collected by the keeper – was stumped by a fair distance. One dodgy shot selection aside, he’d played a good holding role (particularly against the more accurate North Duffield bowler) and deserved more than his 16 runs.

The Grewer joined Dan at the crease and they continued to bat sensibly. Dan profited well with some nice pulls and sweeps off the spinner, and the two took their time to accumulate. However, spotting a short ball, Dan hit it crisply out the middle and was unlucky to be caught quite impressively at short midwicket.

Zeeshan joined the Grewer, hoping to see a game off for the second week in a row. North Duffield unwisely kept the field in, and within a few balls Zee had creamed a four through midwicket, taking Askham closer to their total.

Grewer continued solidly – an old head on middle-aged shoulders – and the two edged towards the total. Having got to 94, Grewer gave Zee the nod to try and hit a six for the final batting point…at which point he marched down the wicket and had to block a good ball from the spinner. However, next ball he went for it and the ball sailed in the air…but bounced before the line. Most importantly though, the job was done and Askham won their third victory in a row.

Another good performance from the team. Mentions should also go to Sharpie and Ujwal for being solid in the field, in addition to some spectacular catches from The Grewer and – of course – the mighty Phil Theobold. The bookish skipper Dale also did a great job behind the stumps, diving around like the cat he is. Following a third win, he was the cat that got the cream. Well, the cat that got the bakewell tarts, scones and watermelon at least.

“Hall the Octopus predicts some erratic captaincy in the next game”
Albert Hall, on the website, following the victory over Fulfordgate

The Bowling

A strong Askham I side assembled at the College, boosted by the return of Dan Wheeler to the line-up, though missing their skipper, keeper and mentor Rob Dale. Albert stepped in for his first match as captain, with Phil Allen donning the gloves.

True to the Octopus’s predictions, the captaincy started erratically. Hall unexpectedly won the toss and, having come to no conclusion about what would be best, hastily ran back to consult his colleagues. He then elected to bowl, and learnt his first lesson of captaincy – if in doubt, ask somebody who knows a lot more than you do. Hall was informed by the Ovington skipper that they’d only failed to score over 200 once in the season…

Woody and Zeeshan opened the bowling and started off as well as – if not better than – previous weeks. The bounce was low on a fairly damp wicket, but both bowlers got the ball to swing and move off the seam. The two struck early, clean bowling the Ovington openers with a couple of Jaffas. They continued well but without further success, with McCullogh replacing Woody at the “not the shed end”.

After a “loosener” (we’re all allowed one of those), Jim bowled three beautiful overs which only went for one run. With the pressure on, Zeeshan went in for the kill and got a second, much-deserved wicket, with a ball that nipped back in and took the top of leg stump. Zeeshan finished shortly afterwards, with a splendid 2-25 off his 8 overs. The Grewer was his replacement.

A period of consolidation followed for Ovington, with them pushing on at a steady rate. At drinks they’d passed 70 for 3 wickets, and the game looked in the balance. However, cometh the hour, cometh The Grewer. He then produced some special deliveries that accounted for the two highest scoring Ovington batsmen – one bowled, one LBW. Jim then followed up with a beautiful pitched up delivery that earnt him his first wicket, leaving Ovington 96-6.

Another lull followed as Ovington counter-attacked, passing the hundred mark and making their way to 120. Siders came off, having taken 1-44 off his 8 (though he bowled better than the figures suggest). Hall gambled and bought Woody back on, knowing that he didn’t have enough overs to bowl to the end. His concerns were unfounded, as Woody got a wicket with his first ball back, a beautiful clean bowled. He then took a spectacular catch at first slip off The Grewer to give Mark a much-deserved third wicket, and polished off the rest of the tail, to end on 4-23 off his 9. The Grewer went for a miserly 15 runs off his 8 overs, taking 3 wickets in the process.

Special mention should go to Phil “Key” Allen, who kept wicket tidily, particularly considering he had some very quick bowling to snaffle. Fair play to him.

The Tea

A special guest appearance from Pete and Natalie Wood on the tea front was a spectacle in itself. Roast chicken sandwiches, chicken legs, award-winning pork pie. Home-made onion chutney…Pasta with green pesto. All marvellous. This was topped off with the piece de resistance – a summer fruits pavlova, with raspberries, strawberries and blueberries. The skipper gladly placed himself at the tail end of the order, and dutifully helped himself to seconds. And thirds. And fourths. Teatastic.

The Chase

Parag and Phil opened the batting, taking their customary roles, with Parag going on the attack and Phil holding firm at the other end. Indeed, Parag set the tone for some positive Askham batting, coming down the wicket early and cracking some beautiful drives over the top. In response, the Ovington bowlers were obviously frustrated – at one point Parag found himself a fair way down the track as a quick full toss came in at his waist…which he duly dispatched over square leg and over the rope on the longest boundary for four. It was a pleasure to watch, as he and Phil put on 32 for the first wicket.

Phil was then caught for 4, and a mini-collapse followed, with Dan unfortunately trapped LBW and Parag then holing out at point. The Grewer and The Wood began to rebuild, though some tight Ovington swing bowling made this difficult, and Mark perished for 5.

Zeeshan joined Woody with Askham now 51-4, with a lot of work to do. The two decided to play their natural game, and this worked wonders. Though both gave the odd chance, they didn’t let this change their tactics, as they went for the bad balls, with Zeeshan crashing some splendid drives through mid off. Mr Wood was in devastating mood (was it the quick-burn sugars of the pavlova?) and hit three sixes, including a massive towering hit that scared some light aircraft in its parabola.

It was clear that run-rate would not be an issue if the two stayed in. Ovington mixed up their bowling, but to no avail, with the two batsmen working the ball around well. With eight runs needed to win, Zeeshan hit a six off the last ball of one over, with Woody hitting the following ball for six to finish the match. Zeeshan ended 37no, with Woody 47no – super cricket.

Plaudits also should go to Ovington, who played competively but fairly, with a good spirit all round.

The aftermath

After catching Afshin hitting the winning run against Ovington II (more on this in a separate report), the team headed out to celebrate its brace of victories in town.

There was a great turnout, with The Copeland leading the troops to The Olde Starre Inn and Kennedy’s. Notable performances on the dancefloor came from The Copeland himself, challenged for his dancing crown by the energetic Zeeshan. Words cannot describe their bold moves, though this video gives some insight into Copeland’s trademark style.

The final thought – an editorial from Albert “Jerry Springer” Hall

What a day – I’m still beaming that both teams won important games.

My job as skipper (for the first time in a league match) was made somewhat easier by some outstanding player performances. However, I’d also like to say a thank you to everybody on the team for their help – as I arrived at the ground and began worrying (“Where’s Rob when I need him!”), suddenly tables, chairs, flags and sight screens appeared in their correct positions, arranged by an army of helpers who needed no prompting. On the field, I was helped by some excellent advice when I needed it, but was also left to make my own decisions. A marvellous tea was served up, money and flags were collected, and everything was tidied away with minimum fuss.

So, thanks to the whole team for a great performance both on and off the field. I look forward to the winning streak continuing under Squadron Leader Dale next week.

The Octopus expects…

Heworth Innings – Due to the inconsiderate scheduling of the Sky Bet York Stakes, over 42,000 loutish race-goers prevented your correspondent from arriving in Elmpark Way in time to see the first ball. And probably urinated on your doorstep on their way home.

The approaching cloud of dust alerted Captain Paul “Scooby” Thornton to the impending late arrival, followed by an emergency stop pitch-side and the fastest kit change you’ll never see. Your heroes were now numerically complete with only one over on the board. I’m sure it was a cracker.

Captain Paul “Snacks” Thornton and Sameer opened the bowling, with new recruit Damian enthusiastically opening the sledging. The Thornton operated with his usual surgical precision, allied to significant outswing which never failed to trouble the batsmen. Sameer generated good pace and prodigious inswing, which proved tricky to control for both batsmen and bowler. Chances came from the beginning, with both openers edging sharp catches to out-of-form team mascot The Copeland in the slips. True to form, they were put down (of course). He did not love those.

Despite losing no early wickets, Heworth were unable to pile on the runs due to the tourniquet being applied with relish by Thornton in particular. After the first 10 overs were safely negotiated, the Captain gambled on the maverick The Copeland, with the reliable Afshin as insurance at the other end. It did the trick, despite another 2-3 catches going down; The Copeland and Afshin bowled one opener each and Askham were up and running.

The Askham pressure continued as runs proved hard to come by. The Copeland bullied another wicket by pinning a young batsman in the box; next ball he hoisted the white flag, scooped a simple catch to cover and scurried off to check the damage. Unfortunately for Askham this only brought Basher senior to the crease, showing off his manly figure in a highly provocative skin-tight shirt. This masterpiece of gamesmanship loosened Askham’s hold on the score. The Copeland and Afshin quickly retreated from the attack to muse on the shapely vision, bringing on Jayant and Sameer for a second spell. Despite regular wickets in the final 10 overs, the scoring increased rapidly; mostly from the bat of the lovely Basher. The fielding level stayed generally high during the onslaught, with a special mention going to a spectacular boundary save by Praveen who then arrowed in a superb throw over the stumps.

The final ball of the innings was bowled by Jayant, who defeated the advancing batsman and Bala removed the bails for a comprehensive stumping. The scenes of jubilation were reminiscent of the footage of Madrid in the aftermath of Iniesta’s late, late winner. Heworth finished with a highly creditable 182-8; Jayant with 3 wickets, Sameer and The Copeland 2 each and Afshin 1.

Tea – One couldn’t help wondering whether Heworth had learnt valuable lessons from the Askham Teas Production Line. A whole platter of melon on which to feast our eyes (and our stomachs). Simple sandwiches accompanied by carrot batons, celery sticks and the ubiquitous cherry tomato. Various meat things, which your roving reporter passed by. Fruit cake, lemon cake (probably), chocolate muffins. KitKats. Crisps, helpfully still in the packet for identification purposes. Obviously no one at Heworth likes Roast Chicken flavour. And why would they?

The best thing about playing Heworth’s fourth team though is that the first team play in the York & District League and had tea an hour before us. Therefore the bolder members of the team could pick at the left-overs from their tea also! Being proper cricketers they couldn’t pack away as much as us, and so there was a veritable delight in store… Real Athletes don’t eat cakes in the middle of a Cricket Match.

Askham Innings – Once The Copeland and Doug had finished cramming as much sugary goodness into their gullets as humanly possible, it was time to prepare for the tiresome business of swallowing batting. As some of you may know, facing the first ball is anathema to The Copeland, but his execrable recent form had prompted a degree of fatalism. He would bat at number 1, please.

Waddling together to the wicket, Doug reminded his partner that crease occupation was what we were looking for. The Copeland heartily agreed, and chose this moment to inject the budding partnership with confidence: “I haven’t scored a run since May”.

Whatever he was expecting, he wasn’t expecting Heworth to open with a left-arm spinner. In the first over The Copeland essayed a massive heave at one ball, completely missing. Thus loosened up, he tried a gentle 9 iron over the infield for two, earning his first runs in eight weeks.

Heworth then employed the unsettling tactic of a steady succession of 13-year-old seamers from the Cricket Ground End, inviting instant ignominy for anyone unlucky enough to present them with their wicket. Doug looked in great touch however, whipping the spinner through square leg for four; before yet another Askham Umpiring Controversy:

Askham Umpiring Controversy I (that obviously doesn’t bode well, does it?) – Doug, picturing the excellent shot he played through square leg, attempted a repeat from a slightly fuller ball. He missed and the ball rapped him on the pad. The whole Heworth team appealed, and Umpire Afshin confirmed his dismissal quicker than this…

Doug trudged off, with a Gatting-esque air of disbelief. Your reporter had an excellent view of the entire incident; Afshin stated confidently that it was definitely out. Wasn’t it? Doug returned to umpire several overs later, it was definitely not out of course. The Copeland remained diplomatically impartial, but mused that it was maybe time for another impromptu Umpiring Seminar…

Captain Paul “Mon Las” Thornton was next in, looking to rebuild the innings. A nice partnership developed, taking ones and twos where possible from the spinner and the odd boundary from the 13-year-olds at the other end. The score pushed past 50, and Heworth were beginning to argue amongst themselves. The highlight was a waist-high full toss, which The Copeland mis-hit straight for four. Celebrity Umpire Damian immediately no-balled the diminutive bowler, whereupon the Heworth captain took umbrage. Damian offered him outside (metaphorically speaking), which left the Captain with no option but to mutter that he was “just asking a question”…

Unfortunately just at this point Askham suffered a mini-collapse. The captain mis-cued a drive straight to mid-on; a few balls later The Copeland was bowled for 43 by a classic off-break; Praveen followed soon after and Askham were in disarray at 70-4. What else could go wrong?

Askham Umpiring Controversy II – Brad Wood and Sameer needed to steady the ship, and managed to keep the scoreboard ticking over. Pervez Akhtar however was looking every inch the mystery spinner from the CG End; Brad was taking no chances at all. Suddenly a delivery cannoned into his front pad, huge appeal, is he out? Of course he is! Or is he? Brad rejoined us at the boundary edge, agreeing that it would’ve been out, “except I hit it”.

Charitably he forgave Umpire Jayant, who was suitably penitent after hearing the bad news. The 5th wicket brought Celebrity Umpire and Sledging Supremo Damian to the crease. After a short but fruitful partnership with Sameer, Damian wound up for a straight ball from Pervez and missed it.

Steve Horne strode to the wicket with Askham 6 down for less than 100 and in dire straits. Now began the most entertaining partnership of the entire match. At one end The Horne was knocking the ball nicely into the gaps, with Sameer Schwarzenegger thrashing the ball around and running maniacally between the wickets, whilst bellowing instructions to his partner… “COME ON, RUN! YES, THERE’S TWO THERE, DO IT NOW! DERE’S NO TIME, GET TO THE CHOPPER!”

With these two at the crease Heworth were rattled. Askham needed only 68 off the last 10 overs. ABCC were loudly supporting their brave comrades and enjoying the entertainment. Sadly it wasn’t to last; Sameer departed for an enterprising 34 and Jayant followed soon after.

Bala then entered the fray for a swashbuckling innings, frustrating the Heworth fielders who now wanted to get out of the rain. He dashed to 13 before he too fell, leaving Afshin and The Horne as the last partnership. Could Askham make 150 for another point?

Indeed they could, the target was reached in the last over and the two protagonists remained undefeated. Askham finished on 151-9, with Steve Horne compiling a commendable 16*. Indeed, if your heroes hadn’t insisted on bowling so many wides, dropping so many catches and dismissing each other then we surely would have carried the day.

The day ended with a short revision course, faithfully reproduced here in its entirety:

The Copeland Umpiring Seminar

“Not Out.”

“Tomorrow will be the beginning of our winning streak”
Albert “Octopus” Hall, in a text to Parag, Zeeshan and Ujwal on Friday

The Batting

Another pleasant day greeted the cricketers as they arrived as the Askham Arena. The pitch was straw-coloured, though slightly damp underneath. Overall it looked a good track and both captains were keen to bat, with Sirius Dale winning the toss and sending Parag and Phil to their preferred positions – at the crease, facing the opening bowlers.

The two set about their task steadily, with typically tight bowling from Fulfordgate making runs hard to come by. However, they took advantage of the bad balls, with Parag making his way to 22 with some tasty drives and cuts. He was then unfortunately trapped LBW, with Askham on 31. A mini-collapse followed, with Ujwal and The Grewer both departing without scoring, leaving Askham 34 for 3.

Woody and Phil then steadied the ship, with Phil pushing on and Woody hitting some big shots. Woody was then clean bowled for 20, attempting a big shot off the left arm bowling of D Baldock. Phil was also bowled for 16, with Pete Sharpe then following for 2, a good catch being taken to a positive shot. Zeeshan, meanwhile, was in good form from the week before, striking the ball well outside the off stump, and working the ball nicely off his legs. Sideshow joined him and hit a beautiful four through gully, before he departed, followed shortly after by Albert. With the score at 85-8 with still 7 overs remaining, Phil Theobold came to the crease to join Zee.

Phil played a fine innings, not perturbed by the return of the Fulforgate opening bowlers, driving the ball nicely into the gaps. Zee continued to keep the scoreboard ticking over, until he was unluckily given out LBW for 14. Rob Dale came in at eleven and hit a crisp four out of the ground, until he was bowled, leaving Phil Theobold 6 not out.

The team were 93 all out, surely at least 50 runs behind what they would’ve hoped for…

The Tea

Rob produced another fine tea, with the long, crumbly sausage rolls being a particular favourite. The unexpected introduction of tea cakes was also well received.

In fact, the tea was so good that little was left, with the batting side unable to resist. Who likes batting on a full stomach?

The Comeback

Askham looked fresh in the field, sharp(e) after another good set of fielding drills before the game. Woody opened the bowling from the Northern End and set about his task with fire. After an early single, the batsmen attempted what seemed a fairly safe single to square leg…

…apart from the fact that the mighty Ujwal was fielding there. He pounced on the ball like a panther, sent a good throw in to Dale, who removed the bails to leave Fulfordgate 1-1. Things got no better for Fulfordgate – Woody clean bowled the other opener for 0, with Zee getting two wickets himself, including another great catch from Ujwal at square leg, leaving Fulfordgate 2-4.

Fulfordgate began to rebuild slowly, steadying the ship, as they still needed under 4 an over. Jim came on to replace Woody, and put the “ace” into “pace”, with a mixture of pitched up and short balls. He bowled a “slow bouncer” to one of the Fuldordgate middle order, which took the inside edge of the bat and the top of the middle stump.

Jim was joined by Mark at the other end, who was putting the “ooo-err” into “Grewer”. The Grewer bowled tightly and a mini-collapse ensued, with Jim getting two more wickets, the batsmen top-edging short balls from the menacing paceman. Skipper Dale collected one of the catches behind the castles, with The Grewer taking the other, leaving Fulfordgate 34-7.

Fulfordgate began to knuckle down again and rebuild, bringing up their 50 without further loss and needing less than 3 an over to take the game. A coachload of schoolgirls turned up to watch, presumably to cheer on The Grewer, who was unlucky to remain wicketless in a tight spell (7-1-22-0). Jim finished his spell with excellent figures (8-2-17-3), pleasing fantasy leaguers all over Askham.

The opening bowlers returned, with Askham badly needing a wicket. Zeeshan finally made the breakthrough, with a lovely full ball that moved away from the batsman, who feathered a catch to Rob behind the stumps. Woody (7-4-8-2) then returned the favour, clean bowling Cairns for 12, leaving only 1 further wicket required. Zeeshan (7.3-6-4-4) finished the job, with another one beating the batsman, and Askham took a much-needed victory.

For the third week in a row, Zeeshan batted well and took the majority of the wickets, meaning that the team were expecting Woody to run away with the man-of-the-match trophy yet again. However, justice was done as Zeeshan was given the nod after another great performance.

Of course, it was another team effort. Though more runs would’ve been nice, Parag’s 22 and Phil’s 16 at the top of the innings proved to be an important base. Likewise, there was some excellent fielding all round, most notably from the unbeatable Ujwal. Finally, a special mention should go to Phil Theobold, who batted solidly for his 6 not out. A sign of big runs to come? We do hope so…

An overcast day greeted the seconds in their cup semi-final tie against Heworth. Heworth won the toss and elected to bowl, with Scooby and Prateek opening the batting.

The two batted steadily and got to just over 40 in the 15th over, when Prateek was caught out for 19. Skipper Bains joined Thornton at the crease, and the two continued to accumulate runs, in spite of a slow pitch. Mr Bains made his way to 18 before he was caught for 18, bringing Peter Sharpe to the crease at 85-2 off 30.

Sharpie batted positively as ever, until he was bowled for 7, followed shortly after by Scooby for an impressive 40. This left Sameer and Steve Mason with 5 overs left to push the score up. And this they did – both batsmen connecting well with the ball, and pushing the score over 130, before Steve was bowled for 14. Brad Wood joined Sameer to finish off the innings, scoring 1 not out, with the team finishing on 142, Sameer getting a well-deserved 22 not out.

Bowling

The bowling began very well – the Heworth openers barely got the bat on Scooby’s bowling, with his first 7 overs going for only 12 runs. Sameer supported him well, bowling with some fiery pace, and going for only 33 runs off his allotted 10.

However, wickets weren’t forthcoming and Heworth began to step-up the pace, with Prateek replacing Scooby at the Pavilion end. Afshin replaced Sameer after his spell and, after finding his length, bowled a lovely spell, pushing the ball up nicely and extracting some turn from the pitch. At the other end, Jayant replaced Prateek and made a breakthrough in his second over. The two bowled well in tandem and – though Heworth were edging closer to their total, wickets began to fall, as Afshin took 1-32 off his 8 overs, and Jayant took a marvellous 5-30, with a run out from a Sameer throw accounting for the other wicket.

Heworth were left with a number of younger players in their tail, with 4 an over needed off the last 6 overs, with only 3 wickets remaining. It was going to be a close finish, as Askham continued to bowl well…However, the Heworth batsmen stuck to their task and played to their strengths. In a close run finale, they made it to their target with just 8 balls to spare.

Overall, it was a disappointment for the team to lose, but the match was played in good spirits, and it was a close fight. A moral victory for the team.

With some time to spare following the cricket, the players turned their thoughts to more important matters – a game of flags.

Fearing the competition, The Grewer duly headed off home, replaced by Veronica Morton, a known challenger to his crown. The 11-strong field included some debutants and showed an array of different playing styles, including Albert’s flagship boules style.

The Wood had prepared a challenging course, including several tree obstacles and even some 40 yard holes. Some players were notably flagging at these intense physical challenges, whilst others found them a breeze, sending their jacks easily toward their targets. Onlookers were impressed by the high standard, signalling their appreciation with loud applause.

In spite of his injured skull – and some cross bones – Phil Allen put up a good challenge, however, the eventual winner was The Copeland, ending in pole position, celebrating his play-off victory with a lap of the pitch.

If the weather were a song, it was certainly “Four Seasons In One Day”, as the players arrived to a mixture of warmth, sunshine, blue skies, dark cloud and showers, to take on Ben Johnson at the college.

The players assembled and Squadron Leader Dale had them practising catching and fielding before the match, running a tight ship as ever. Having won the toss, he elected to bowl on a pitch that looked soft and green due to the recent rain. Certainly not a pitch where you’d expect even the very best of spin bowlers to do well (can you see where this is going?)…

Wood and Zeeshan opened the bowling – Wood from the car park end, Zeeshan from the shed end. Both bowled with good pace – however, Pete Wood was not up to his usual high standards (some cynics later commenting that this was to make his second spell look even better, to sway the man-of -the-match decision for extra fantasy points). He was also unlucky, with a couple of top edges and chinese cuts going to the batsman’s favour.

Zeeshan, however, plugged away well and got an early result, with a ball that kept low and obliterated off stump – just reward for some aggressive bowling. However, ten overs in and the runs were beginning to flow for the Johnson’s, and Askham desperately needed another breakthrough.

The Skipper therefore turned to his spinner, Albert Hall, as first change. Surely not – on that surface, that early in the game? Indeed it was so. The spinner, meanwhile, was full of confidence, having recently been reading a trashy American sports psychology book, and was heard chanting just how great he was as he bowled his first ball Four balls in and he took a wicket, clean bowling the left-hander with an amazing ball that bamboozled the batsman by doing nothing whatsoever. However, stranger things were about to occur.

The Maiden

Hall’s second over was a bewildering experience for him. Six balls, in a row, without a single run being scored from them, for the first time this season . Indeed, this was such a rare occasion that the over has since been referred to as “Hally’s Comet”.

Meanwhile, back at the other end, Zeeshan was doing a marvellous job and got a ball to nip back nicely to clean bowl another Johnson batsman. He continued to exert pressure on the batsmen and the run rate slowed up, backed up by some good outfielding.

Albert continued to bowl well but made no further breakthroughs, in spite of a nice tussle with a batsman that insisted on sweeping every ball, and he finished after 7 overs, replaced by The Copeland. At the other end, Zeeshan came off having bowled his 12 overs through, to a much-deserved round of applause after a smashing spell. The Grewer was his replacement.

The Copeland wasn’t quite at his Freddie Flintoff talismanic best, and was more in the Mike Brearley role, with more ethereal contributions to the mental strength of the team.

The Grewer bowled beautifully, at his accurate and lively best, getting the ball to wobble and rear off the pitch to keep the batsmen guessing. He bowled two of the Johnson middle order as they struggled to get his bowling away, and induced one to chip a straightforward catch to Albert at fly slip.

Seizing the opportunity to get some cheap fantasy points, the Wood returned at the opposite end and bullied his way through the lower order. Whilst the team weren’t treated to any of his primeval roars, he was clearly fired up and yorked his way through four of the bottom order batsmen. This saw Askham finish off Ben Johnson for 160, a good recovery from our heroes.

Tea

It should be emphasised to all new players and casual readers that quality first team teas have not been par for the course in previous seasons. Indeed, it was once considered “luxury” if the tea consisted of a handful of warm pilchards and some charcoal and breadcrumbs to bulk it out.

Due to the hardwork of Squadron Leader Dale, a strong tea has now become “the norm” for the first team. Solid sandwiches (as ever), were complemented with pork pie, long sausage rolls (far tastier than their diminutive brother) and onion-based indian snacks (that Albert refused to acknowledge as pakoras, certain that they were bhajis). However, the Dale excelled on the dessert front, with chocolate roll, flapjack and golden syrup cake complemented with melon and fruit salad. Ever a risk-taker, Dale opted for nectarines in the fruit salad, which juxtaposed the kiwi fruit and strawberries delightfully.

Batting

The batting started off slowly, with The Power – looking like Rambo/John McEnroe with a headband following a footballing head injury – and The Copeland finding their way on a pitch that was producing the odd surprise for them. Unfortunately The Copeland continued to be Brearley-esque, and got out early opening the batting. Ujwal replaced him and followed shortly after, bringing The Wood to the crease.

Woody and Phil knocked a handful of runs, before The Power was given out controversially for an inside edge to the keeper, though all respected the authority of umpire Sideshow on the matter. This brought The Grewer to the fold – could our experienced middle order dig us out of the hole?

After both players played some positive shots, The Grewer didn’t catch one properly and was caught. The Wood was then bowled shortly after with a ball that gained extra lift and took the off stump bail. This left Zeeshan and Sharpie in fresh, with Askham 5 down already.

However, signs were starting to look positive – the destructive Zeeshan that murdered the Pocklington attack had arrived, and was timing the ball well. Sharpie attacked from the word go, and the two built a solid partnership. As Zeeshan settled, he began hitting the blistering square drives the crowd loves, and at one point his hand movement was so fast it was physically impossibly to see them, as he belted the ball for four through long on.

Sharpie fell for a very respectable 15, bringing Jimmy Mac to the crease. He looked to be settling in to score some runs, when there was an unfortunate run out – Zeeshan thought a ball had rolled over the third man boundary for four and came trotting back up the pitch, for it to be returned to the bowlers end, with both batsmen at the strikers end. Jim sacrificed his wicket, and out came Albert. He was clean bowled three balls later and The Obold came to the crease.

Though The Obold didn’t trouble the scorers, he batted for a respectable few overs, holding up one end as Zee continued to bat freely. Rob then replaced Phil as number 11 (down from number 1 the previous week), and holed out trying to push Askham past 75 for a batting point. Zee ended 34 not out, with a half century on the cards had he had the support.

Overall, it was disappointing to see such a batting collapse. However, the troops took heart from a good bowling performance, and it was a pleasure to see Zee at the top of his game with the bat.

Man of the Match

Indeed, given Zee’s outstanding batting performance and near faultless 12-over bowling spell with two wickets, it was quite clear that the opposition would award the man-of-the-match to…Pete Wood. He cheerfully ran off with the award, dressed in a ski mask and striped top.

The team will be hoping that they can improve their batting total twofold next week. Indeed, the skipper would be happy if it would keep doubling, and doubling and doubling…

The Askham side had a number of new faces as some of our Uni contingent were ‘studying’ this weekend. We were all at the ground, changed and doing some fielding drills bright and early. Skipper Mike Bains lost the toss and our visitors, bottom side Pocklington, elected to bat. This was a game we had to win and your heroes entered the arena on spring heels. Well, sort of. Scooby and Zeeshan prepared to raise the Askham colours.

The veteran Yorkshireman took the cherry and was soon probing away forensically outside off-stump. Zeeshan opened tentatively but accurately. The ring of steel was set, with debutant Sam Gardner leading the way in the vocal theatrics. VC Kiernan estimated we were soon running at 2.6 clichés per over.

Scooby struck! A tidy piece of work from Bala – funky as ever in his designer shades – and the 2 was off. Soon followed by the 1, as Scooby bowled a banana round the back of his legs; this followed a selection of Jaffas and Peaches as another debutant, Sam’s friend Martin, displayed nascent greengrocery knowledge. Zeeshan picked up the visiting Skipper and it was 20 for 3.

There came at this point a loud TWANG! Eyes swivelled automatically to the Skipper. What had snapped? Hamstring? Calf? Knee tendons. Nay, he was (possibly) performing flik-flaks and bodywaves in the covers. Vice-captain Kiernan, his eyes creased in pain behind his designer frames, was clutching his left hamstring. How would the support bowling manage?

We were soon to find out… Gardner and Clark replaced the openers as the visiting 4 and 5 built an admirable partnership. They took the score along to practically three figures before Mike took his first wicket of the campaign. He, Sam and then Brad Wood (with an excellent spell to back up his eminently brave batting the week before) ran through the middle order. Pock’s ‘keeper reached a courageous 52 not out, and Zeeshan picked up the last wicket (the player transferred to Askham after the match!)

Champagne Moment

This deserves a section of its own. The visiting tail threatens to wag as the number 5 – the wk – builds a few cheeky partnerships with the lower order. Mike Clark – switching to the slope-and-rockery end, bowls a testing in-ducker to the number 10. He in turn chips the ball neatly over Steve Horne at mid wicket for a quick two. But wait. Horne casts all thoughts of doyleys and crumbs from his mind (see below) and his slender frame leaves the floor in a balletic, backtwisting corkscrew of torque and tension and gravitational impossibilities. Then in an instant of true Inspector Gadgetry his right arm extends and his fingers seemingly grow and grow and grasp the £6.50 cherry; the tea lady falls back onto the turf and the cricketing world (plus a few Physicists and Biologists) watches with collectively baited breath. The ball does NOT roll out. What … a … CATCH!!!

Tea

Steve Horne again donned the high heels and the short skirt (I speak metaphorically) to serve up a fine array of (flagless) sandwiches and pastries, plus some neatly cut chocolate sponge roll, flapjack and the crowd-pleasing Battenburg. Those European royals certainly can bake!!! Bains served builders tea and BALA went into the zone to prepare to open the batting with Scooby.

Bala and Scooby open but Bala is soon caught as the humidity leads to testing conditions. Skipper Mike Bains and Scooby carry on where they left off against Pock a few weeks earlier, adding a sometimes graceful, sometimes brutal 85 for the second wicket before Bains is caught at deep mid wicket. Zeeshan crafts a tidy 23 despite being short of confidence but falls lbw, swiftly followed by Edmondson and Seavers. The hamstrung VC strikes a few nice blows and Scooby ends on a brilliant unbeaten 77 as your local stars win by 5 wickets with 6 overs to spare.

All off to the Nag’s Head for some fizzy refreshments and much merriment in the garden.

The semi-final looms…

Report (in the form of haiku)

Dry, dusty (really!)
Hot, humid, muggy as hell
Skipper loses toss

Stockon and Hopgrove
Deliberate thoughtfully
Askham Bryan bat

Douglas and Robert
Fight off the early pacemen
Runs accumulate

Doug bowled, Grewer too
Woody, Rob shortly after
Sixty on the board

Sharpe counter-attacks
Scores sixteen while Albert blocks
Scoreboard ticks over

Pete goes, then Naveen,
Sideshow – fine form – blasts away
Albert goes for four

The Obold’s first ball
A marvellous cover drive
First runs for the club

Phil caught, Afshin bowled
Praveen gets caught, leaves Sideshow
twenty-one not out

Tasty tea – Pork pie
Victoria sponge, strawberries,
Tiffin a higlight

Pete Wood bowling first
Pace, zip, straight as an arrow,
Awkward for batsmen

Naveen bowling next
very very very quick
you get the picture

Three wickets then fall
perfect yorker from Naveen
unlikely victory?

Batsmen recover
The Grewer bowls no Grewsra
Afshin wicketless

Stockton hit winner
Celebrations, ovation
to the pub we go.