Askham Bryan vs Heworth

Askham Bryan CC V Heworth CC, 8th August 2015

By David Sladen

In a season of resounding victories (and the occasional resounding defeat), here was yet another for the pinkcaps. Last week’s victory at Stillingfleet was just about sealed the moment Parag ran out his opening partner in the second over hit the 6th ball of the match for six. This one could be sensed even earlier. Heworth, by their own admission, were severely weakened. Rumour has it they had requested, via the club secretary, that they be spared the Full Force of The Grewer. Little did they know that The Grewer was sidelined this week, resting tired eyes after his…..watchful innings last week.

That said, Captain Ali betrayed one of the first rules of successful captaincy – do what the opposition would least want you to do. So despite Heworth’s polite requests to be allowed to bat first to spare an unpleasant afternoon for some of their inexperienced youngsters, Ali did precisely this. Praying he had not been cruelly duped, heaven knows the anguish he must have been going through as he returned to the dressing rooms. Temperatures were up, the pitch looked benign, Askham’s top order sniffed runs and the Clarets had just kicked off. How would he sell this? Answer: as some kind of ‘the people first’ spin. The tabloids would describe this as Corbynist lurching (because that’s the only way apparently) to the left.

Unfortunately what followed was less than 50 overs of rather uneventful cricket. Ali had not been duped by the opposition, and they were indeed significantly under strength. However, as always with Heworth their spirit, determination and attitude could never be questioned. Askham’s bowling was solid, their out cricket (my favourite current cricket buzz word) efficient and catching effortless. Wickets steadily fell from the second over. Lord Seymour did his famous name proud with a typically opportunistic spell of bowling (4-26). Wickets would also fall to Tom, Raj, Prasath and Alistair. Smart catches were taken by Sladen, Speakman, Mohite and Prasath. Dr Dale continued his good form with 2 stumpings. Though his cruel stumping of a pre-pubescent cricketing novice first ball will surely haunt him for years to come. Despite some hard hitting resistance from Rymer (65) were bowled out for 95 in 24 overs. With smarter heads, Heworth could easily have batted round him and set a more competitive target. This was 5 overs longer than an international cricket team managed a few days earlier. A note though on our captain again. Some would argue that the art of good leadership is self-preservation. Clearly, Ali is in full agreement as he brought himself on for two overs up against essentially an U13s tail end. Retuning figures of 2-0, but like Dale, no doubt already suffering nightmares at surrounding an 11 year old number 11 with 9 fielders in pursuit of a hatrick. *

This week’s tea left me in a quandary. The cheese sandwiches were free from foreign objects, but they were (un)accompanied with a disappointing lack of variety and volume. Or maybe, I was spoilt by my experience at Stillingfleet? Surely not.

Parag and Sladen opened up as usual. They began in their usual positive style, stealing plenty of quick runs and the odd boundary. Reports of noise disturbance were apparently made to North Yorks Constabulary on account of the volume of Sladen’s calling between the wickets. No idea why. Despite both looking comfortable and the score racing along at 6 an over, both would perish in their teens trying to play shots like Joe Root – Parag bowled pulling off a length, Sladen playing on trying to pull from outside off stump. Speakman and Ujwal steadied the ship. In all honesty at this point, with a very early finish well on the cards and the opportunity to score some family points (invaluable during the cricket season), I opted to take care of the washing up so as to allow a swift exit upon victory. So I didn’t really see much of the remaining action. Needless to say Speakman and Ujwal safely saw Askham home with 8 wickets and 16 overs to spare in a serene fashion, befitting of today’s action. Speakman ended 40 not out and Askham were home and hosed by 5.15pm. A quick game’s a good game.


*The author in no way endorses the generous soft cricket these comments suggest. Rather, an uneventful game on and off the field, offered up very little noteworthy action!

7 Responses to “Askham Bryan vs Heworth”

  1. Albert Says:

    I’m loving the honesty of this report. I’ve never seen a report on BBC cricket along the lines of “Pietersen’s ashes winning 150 was full of amazing attacking shots…or so I hear, because I spent the afternoon at the burger van”.

    Also loving the Corbyn reference. Particularly apt, given the late entry of many an Askham player on to the team sheet!

  2. Rob Dale Says:

    A fantastic match report, and one which I think will mean that Mike Selvey will be looking over his shoulder on the Guardian.

  3. The Copeland Says:

    Baldness is encouraged!

    “…his cruel stumping of a pre-pubescent cricketing novice…”

    Rob as a bullying Flashman-esque type, only dismissing smaller boys. He’s got the facial hair for it!

  4. Stipetic Says:

    Nobody in this club ever gets bitter about run outs or lbws.

  5. Stipetic Says:

    Excellent report btw

  6. The Copeland Says:

    Nobody in this club has ever been out LBW!

  7. The Wood Says:

    Feels like I was there and as a result I am furious I was not able to notch up a few juniors during ‘Woody Time’ . Great work Slayer

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